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Time to tell my Christian Parents

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muffins
 
Joined in 2010
September 28, 2010, 03:00

So, i’m feeling pretty, very, way keen to tell my parents that I’m gay. Problem is, I can’t decide how to do it. I really want to tell them in person, but I just dunno that i’ll be able to do it. So, I’ve thought of writing a letter, but I don’t want them to think less of me for not being man enough to talk face-to-face. I saw that Ben wrote a letter before going away for a weekend, which I reckon seems like a good idea – shock them, give them time to calm down, then talk. Any thoughts?? I dunno…

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
September 28, 2010, 08:30

Hi muffins


Ben’s letter is an excellent example. I like the idea of a well thought out letter because it’s a way of clearly expressing yourself while also giving space for the other to have their response and compose themselves. The recipient isn’t pressured to immediately reply and if they’re confused, they can re-refer to the written word many times. It gives them time to adjust to the news. There’s also the space for them to seek advice and discuss with others if needed before responding to you.


Suggesting resources/contacts for your parents to refer to is a way of offering supports and might be included toward the end of the letter.


All the best with this, muffins. Keep us posted.


Blessings,


Ann Maree

HillsBen
Youth Coordinator
Joined in 2008
September 28, 2010, 11:52

Hi muffins,


For me, writing a letter was the best way to ‘come out’ to my parents. By writing a letter, I was able to express (without interruption) everything that I wanted to tell them. It also gave them a chance to talk about it together and calm down before talking to me.


It worked really well for me. I hope you get a similar response.


All the best. Take your time and let us know how it goes?? 🙂



cow shoes
 
Joined in 2007
October 1, 2010, 04:19

I loved your letter Muffins. It is well written, thoughtful and loving. I think you have just the right amount of information that can lead into further discussion later. You are a son that any parent should be proud of. Hope all goes well. God Bless

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 1, 2010, 10:36

Hi muffins


Excellent work. I love the way you’ve started and all the feedback to your parents. They sound like great people. 🙂


In the middle, when you say you’re gay, I’m wondering if it’s a little too startling or if you can soften that somewhat??


There definitely is the potential for ministries to the gay community via the church and plenty of examples here who are doing just that. mrg is a pastor doing excellent work and part of our community here. Perhaps suggesting him or other examples who are accepting of LGBT as well as respected Christians/pastors might be useful. You might even ask mrg to be a potential support person for your parents as well as the person you’ve suggested.


The other thing to consider is perhaps looking at ‘For the Bible Tells Me So’ and seeing whether this might be suitable for your parents to watch? It answers some of the ‘clobber’ passages that Christians get stuck on in a way that’s more in proper context. I found that to be a very helpful DVD. If they’re into reading from a biblical perspective, you might also print off some of the articles we have in the resource section. I don’t know your parents though so you’ll have to be the judge of what resources will be the best fit for their personalities and ways of learning.


Let me know what you think.


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
October 1, 2010, 18:09

welcome Muffins……i think you have done an excellent job with your letter…….you write extremely well.


I agree with the other suggestions.


something I’d like to add is how you would like your parents to respond to this news……what do you want….unconditional love…..acceptance……no pressure to change etc Make this request of them. You have praised them highly for the example of their lives in many ways…….the right response would be consistent.


also could you give a couple of examples of just how difficult this struggle has been…….as loving parents they should be touched by those things.


you could also mention that the example of their lives demonstrates that honesty and openess is an important value in your family and this is why you have chosen to write this letter.


i work with lots of people to come out……….writing a letter is one of the most effective……but a long shot.


Post your second draft here as well if you like as a reply on this thread……its good for others to see the development

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 2, 2010, 12:01

I really like your suggestions, avb. 🙂


Blessings,


Ann Maree

muffins
 
Joined in 2010
October 3, 2010, 03:16

Well!! I took your suggestions and modified my letter, then gave it to my parents before going away for the weekend. Will see them tomorrow – very nervous.



Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
October 3, 2010, 12:05

Hi muffins


Well done! I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow and wishing you and your family all the very best.


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Myfanwe
 
Joined in 2007
October 3, 2010, 16:24

Well done, Muffins! I’m praying that all will go well for you in this.
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