As people who have come from a Christian background – we are fairly familiar with the terms “Shame” and ‘Guilt”. The are used fairly liberally in reading material and in messages from the pulpit or in general discussion.

And then as we realise that we don’t fit the mould of the Christianity that we were told or thought was normal, we have to find freedom from “Shame” and / or “Guilt”.

As I tried to work through my own issues – the conflict between my christian beliefs / faith and my sexuality, I spent a lot of time trying to understand why I was gay, and I would say that I felt ashamed and would also feel guilty. But then I didn’t really understand what was “guilt” and what was “shame”. I realised that my lack of understanding of what they were, and how they happened was probably one of the reasons why I didn’t feel or act like I was free to be me.

As I search the web, I found that this is a subject for discussion for many sites in the US.

Interestingly, “Shame” has been defined as our experience in reference to how other people perceive our actions; guilt is experienced in reference to how we perceive your actions. And it is also possible to experience both at the same time. Well, this is what the webpage discussion at the following link stated.

http://www.content4reprint.com/culture-and-society/social-issues/shame-and-guilt-over-being-homosexual.htm

Anyway, how do others feel / think about these comments about “Guilt” and “Shame”?

I have been preparing and leading some studies on Genesis 1 to 11 over recent weeks and this week we are going to look at the story of ‘The Fall’ in Genesis 3. I was struck again about how Adam and Eve were ashamed, when they had done what they weren’t supposed to do… and so they hid from each other and from God.

I know in my own experiences of shame… I want to hide, and somehow that feeds the shame. I am ashamed about my mental health illness and have found it very difficult to talk about and to acknowledge and accept to myself and others. I know that the way through is to talk about it… and discover that people can still accept me and love me… and that somehow, I’m trusting that I will learn to accept and love myself.

So I guess I feel ashamed about who I am… and feel guilty about what I do, which doesn’t meet my standards and values. It is odd, as I don’t think I feel too much guilt as I know that I am forgiven, but the shame remains somehow at the core of my being. Shame that I need to feel loved…

How sad is that!

I tend to agree that shame is what we feel when others judge us. Guilt comes from our view of ourselves before God.

However the two can be related. The biggest mistake I made for years was to make my views of myself to be the same as what homophobic people, especially in the church, had of gays and therefore of me. I was ashamed to be gay. I hated myself. Heterosexual sinners were so much sinners than I was etc.

That can cause a lot of damage. Why shouldn’t I accept God’s love for me as my model to love myself? God’s love is always unconditional and totally accepting.

I am now proud to be gay and enjoy being gay very much.

Thanks Ann Maree, Ammi and DavidT for sharing your thoughts.

Interestingly, I also read recently that it is a core for us as humans to want to connect with others. So, I wholeheartedly agree with Ann Maree when she said that it is ‘completely normal for needing to be loved and feeling the vulnerability in that’.

I suppose that “Shame” and “Guilt” have the potential to block “our connection” with others – whether they are complete strangers, an acquaintance, our co-workers, our friends and even our families.

Like DavidT mentioned, it is good to be able to say that ‘I enjoy being gay’ and that in each of our journeys, we can each get to a point, no matter how long it takes, where we can accept ‘God’s love’ for each of us – to know that we are wonderfully normal. It is so good to be comfortable in our own skins. :bigsmile: