I have a unique situation at the place I work. I am a Kindergarten Assistant, therefore I work with 3-4yo children. I am completely out to my co-workers and a few of the parents on the commitee know as well. I have only disclosed my relationship when it happens to come up in conversation and I feel ok to discuss. There is however one mother in particular who often refers to my partner as “the hubby!” For eg. When I mentioned a recent weekend away with my partner, she responded with a wink and nudge, and a comment like “a bit of romance with your hubby heh?” I replied saying “something like that” I feel its not necessary to clarify my situation with this particular woman as she tends to talk about other people at times and her child is in my group this year and next year. Maybe I’m worried for nothing but I don’t want any negativity between myself and any of the parents because I feel it can affect how they regard me with their child. 🙄

Is it ok to simply keep my sexuality out of it because it really doesn’t need to be public or should I make it clear when there is a mis conception? 😕

Disclosure of your sexuality is not necessary, really. Unless it bothers you that this woman assumes you have a hubby? If it doesn’t really bother you, and you don’t feel that she would treat your disclosure with respect, then I would say don’t tell her.

I do volunteer work at the local museum in a country town once a week, and have often referred to “we” when talking about myself and my partner, but I have not, as yet come out to the people at the museum as I feel: A. I don’t know them well enough. B. It is not an issue yet. C. I would need to be sure of how the information will be received before I can decide who/when to tell.

Just go with your instincts on this, and tell or not tell depending on how you feel about it.

I actually think it is really sad that our society is so heteronormative that people just assume everyone is heterosexual, and will say things like that in the first place.

I am always struck with the fact that most heterosexual people just do not know what it is like to have to weigh up whether to be open about their relationship or not. ❗

Personally I’m struck by just how different sexuality is from a minority like race and the discrimination that goes with it. Unlike race your sexuaity isn’t obvious, you don’t have a big sign on your forehead saying “queer” for the world to see. We can avoid situations like Michelle’s and not come out if its unnecessary or uncomfortable. I tend to work alot of different jobs with different people (but for the same company) and generally I don’t come out because my sexuality has no influence on my capacity to do my job well, its completly irrelevant within the sphere of work and I treat it as such.

While a heteronormative environment is a breeding ground for structural injustices like tax benifits I don’t think the gay challenge to it works as neatly on a personal level. With say seven percent of the population gay (and 7 is extreemly generous) that means about 4.5 are men and 2.5 are women. If only 2.5% of the female population is lesbian, you need to drop off at least a percent for all those people who are not out, are not aware they are lesbian or identify as bisexual but have a female partner. So 1.5% of the population is openly gay and like I said thats generous. Its not idiotic for people to assume the other 98.5% of women are heterosexual and not idiotic to make comments based on overwealming odd’s like these. Really there just isn’t enough lesbians to warrent a “Oh maybe I should’t say that because she might be a lesbian” thought in peoples heads.

This is totally different if you have come out and she still says stuff like that but being ignorant of the fact that you are a lesbian and assuming you are heterosexual because almost all the population is doesn’t strike me as something anyone needs to get upset over. I’m not suggesting that it works on a structural level in a utalitarian framework, it doesnt, its discrimination but on a personal level when interacting dirrectly with other people in social situations there is no harm and no discrimination in assuming heterosexuality.

Did someone think you were upset Magz? 😯

Omg 🙄 😆