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Syph - Male, 33.

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Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
December 30, 2011, 13:56

Hi again Syph


Thanks for your kind words above. 🙂


You said


@mother hen – thanks for the post. I'll sound my parents out on where they want to go with this, but to be totally honest, I'm not expecting much. maybe it just my paranoia but I don't feel that their acceptance is unconditional. They are both very much in the conservative evangelical mindset of " hate the sin, love the sinner". They both have indicated that they think I should remain celibate for the rest of my life. My dad is actually is fairly heavily involved with a certain religious political group in lobbying politicians trying to prevent "moral decline" of society by allowing things like gay marriage and abortions. Suffice to say that I don't share a lot of his viewpoints… I'm sure that my coming out must have been hard for him, so for the moment I'm content with how far both of them have come. Talking to them further is one of the things on the to-do list, I'm still finding this all quite difficult to talk about.


Yes I did notice in your story that your parents were relieved you hadn't made any "sexual errors". So yes, they're not fully accepting because of what they've been taught. But to me their love for you, even if conditional, and the fact that they haven't cast you out, is all the more special. I mean, they could have rejected you outright and they haven't and they're no doubt struggling with this news so that's a beautiful thing.


It's OK not to share all their viewpoints..I mean it may not be comfortable for each side to hear the others' views but different views and beliefs don't have to destroy a relationship. If we can hold differences within, I think that makes us stronger as people.


I think it's great that you express contentment for now with your parents' position in light of their difficulty absorbing your news. It's also good that you have low expectations because that relieves you and them of unnecessary pressure. I also believe it's important to give your parents lots of time to adjust to this. Only you know when it's best to talk with them again or to suggest certain resources so continue to reflect, pray and go with your inner guidance. Just as we have each needed time to come to terms with our own sexualities, so too do those around us, especially those with beliefs that go against homophobia. The fact that you're finding it difficult to talk about this is pretty normal and your parents might also find it hard to talk about. Again, quite normal.


Blessings,


Ann Maree



Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
December 30, 2011, 14:30

Quote from Ann Maree on December 30, 2011, 1:56 pm


Yes I did notice in your story that your parents were relieved you hadn't made any "sexual errors". So yes, they're not fully accepting because of what they've been taught. But to me their love for you, even if conditional, and the fact that they haven't cast you out, is all the more special. I mean, they could have rejected you outright and they haven't and they're no doubt struggling with this news so that's a beautiful thing.


It's OK not to share all their viewpoints..I mean it may not be comfortable for each side to hear the others' views but different views and beliefs don't have to destroy a relationship. If we can hold differences within, I think that makes us stronger as people.


I think it's great that you express contentment for now with your parents' position in light of their difficulty absorbing your news. It's also good that you have low expectations because that relieves you and them of unnecessary pressure. I also believe it's important to give your parents lots of time to adjust to this. Only you know when it's best to talk with them again or to suggest certain resources so continue to reflect, pray and go with your inner guidance. Just as we have each needed time to come to terms with our own sexualities, so too do those around us, especially those with beliefs that go against homophobia. The fact that you're finding it difficult to talk about this is pretty normal and your parents might also find it hard to talk about. Again, quite normal.


Blessings,


Ann Maree


Was about to say much the same thing Ann Maree, well said. Yes give your parents some time, it's all very new for them. Maybe just leave them with you are open to talk to them and for them to feel free to ask you any questions. Then they can come back to you when they are ready. I know you said parents, father in particular is lobbing different groups, well things change, they can change. Never say never. They can change their beliefs. Often we have the beliefs we do because no one has shown as a different view point of we are not in a place to change our views. There is nothing like your own son being gay to help make that change. So hang in there with them just love them and show them you are the same son who loves them. As they see you grow in confidence and your self worth improve it will all help soften their views.


Main thing for now is you, look after yourself, don't be worried about your parents, do what you need to for yourself. Soak up the love and support of people like F2B.


God Bless



sarab
 
Joined in 2011
December 30, 2011, 15:20

My thoughts are certainly with you Syph. I read your post this morning and held back responding until the wiser and more experienced forum members responded.

You articulate yourself so well. Your capacity to express your thinking and feelings so beautifully will no doubt hold you in good stead as you go through what must be a multitude of emotions, thoughts and feelings.

I am only very new to this journey too – your courage in giving your parents this letter is amazing. Well done you 🙂

The advice I got early on from forum members in terms of seeking out people (even on websites like this!) where you can feel safe and comfortable was invaluable to me.


Rest assured the thoughts and prayers of many on this site are with you.

Take care,


Sarab



Guest
December 30, 2011, 19:02

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Guest
December 30, 2011, 19:21

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forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
December 31, 2011, 18:22

Syph – G'day! Just as you are on a journey, now your parents are on a slightly different journey of dealing with your announcement. Some find that easy; some find it hard .. .. .. very hard! They will first have to 'come out' to themselves in accepting you as you are. They will then have to start 'coming out' to relatives and friends – that they are the parents of a gay person. That will be hard given your father's stance on some issues. There are a quite a few posts from parents on this forum explaining the journey they have been on. Your folks (when they are ready) will find some helpful information here.


For example, have a look at http://new.freedom2b.org/forums/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=116


There are other helpful resources (for parents) available. Just post a request when you need to and a few of us will help out. God bless.

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
December 31, 2011, 22:03

Thanks forestgrey. Well said. 🙂


Syph, here's a couple of links that you and your parents might find useful. The first is an ABC radio interview with some supportive pastors. http://www.freedom2b.org/forums/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=800


The second features country singer, Chely Wright on the Oprah show and how lovingly her father responded to her coming out. I think it's good for Christians and Christian parents to see his example. But you can judge whether this will be appropriate for your parents at some stage. http://www.freedom2b.org/forums/?vasthtmlaction=viewtopic&t=1071


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
January 4, 2012, 00:47

welcome Syph….you found the most supportive, respectful and encouraging place for a person like you on the internet.

you are in safe hands here.

Love your work everyone……very proud of you.

Anthony Venn-Brown

An Ambassador for the LGBT Community

Author of 'A Life of Unlearning – A Journey to Find the Truth'

Co-founder of Freedom 2 b[e]

Honoured to be voted one of the 25 Most Influential Gay & Lesbian Australians (2007 & 2009) and ACON Community Hero finalist 2011.

http://lgbttraining.blogspot.com/

Twitter: @gayambassador

davidt
 
Joined in 2009
January 4, 2012, 07:44

Welcome Syph It is really good you have found this place.


I attend the Brisbane group and we would love to have you come and join us.


Accepting yourself as gay and being proud of who you are is a great thing and you are already making good progress. I support the comments of others in relation to your parents. Give them time.


Life is going to be a whole lot better for you now you have made this important step.


In Him


David

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
January 4, 2012, 20:36

Hi Syph


Regarding your parents, Mother Hen said:


Maybe just leave them with you are open to talk to them and for them to feel free to ask you any questions. Then they can come back to you when they are ready.


I like this advice because it provides an opportunity for your parents to talk if they need to, giving them permission to come to you, while still giving them space to process things.


It's good to hear from you too, davidt. Hope all is well with you. 🙂


Blessings,


Ann Maree


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