Hi I need some advice, I have been a closet swinger since I was thirteen years old. I have two children who are from failed hetrosexual relationships. The advice that I need is that when I tell some people that I have children they always ask if I am bi and I am getting annoyed by this question, so how can I learn to stay calm when people do this assumption about me.

Audrey

Hi Audrey,

I am not sure that labels are overly helpful. if people wish to ask you questions about your sexuality with their own preconceived ideas about it because you have children – then I guess you have some choices. You could either just simply "set the record straight" and tell them where you sit. Or, you can just let it wash over you – you don't owe anyone an explanation or information. It's up to you to disclose what you want to who you want. Really, there are many gay and lesbian people with children – my sister is one for example! She would now clearly identify as lesbian – but clearly (with a child) there was a time she was also into men. Sexuality is far more fluid than most think – I am not sure that "either/or" constructs are very helpful. So, in short I would ask – what is it that upsets me so much about the assumption that I might be bi? Why does that bother me? How might I think about responding in future if people make the same assumption?

Hope this helps a little

Sarab

Hi Audrey

I don't understand why others would assume you are bi because you have 2 children. As others have said, there are many gay people with children, and single people for that matter as well whose sexuality doesn't come into it. Maybe you could ask them why they make that assumption? And then as Sarab has said, perhaps consider why it bothers you so much.

Blessings,

Ann Maree