Hi John, thankyou so much for sharing about your journey as a son. I guess I’m on the other side of the fence in that I’m a parent who has had to come out to my adult children. It has been the most difficult and painful part of the process. Friends by and large have been wonderful and supportive, though church friends have mostly disappeared. My children are still trying to come to terms with the change and as I try to put myself in their shoes I think one the biggest things like your parents is the death of expectation. I suppose my children expected me to grow old with their father and I sense that they feel the mother they thought they knew has died and abandoned them. This of course saddens me greatly and it is difficult to come to terms with. I know its also been double whammy for them in that I am no longer with their Dad and they have had to get used to me being with a new partner who happens to be a woman. One of my children in particular who attends a pentecostal church is particularly hostile to my partner and refuses to meet her or talk to me about the issues that currently have estranged us. I can only hope that in time things will be resolved and we can come to a place of honest communication and acceptance.

I can empathise, the reactions my children had ranged from happiness to overwealming sadness and distrust. I think alot of it does have to do with the image our kids have of us. To small kids we are like God, faultless and all knowing and as they grow up not all of that illusion wears off.

I remember appealing to my daughter for a little understanding when I came out. She looked me right in the eye and said “do you really think it is so unreasonable for a child to expect their parents to honour their marriage vows?” it took me back a bit. Understanding is a two way street and I am sure given time your son or daughter will come around, at least a bad reaction shows they care and love us, indifference is worse. We spend years coming to terms with our sexuality its unfair to expect others to accept it more easily or straight away. Hang in there.

We have thought long and hard about these things…….if only they knew of the agony we went through in order to finally be honest. The life of secrecy and trying desperately to change was hell…..and nearly drove us to suicide.

I have often told my parents if they could have just lived 5 minutes inside my brain they would have felt all the pain and turmoil I went through living a lie. My family just doesnt understand, and they view homosexuality as a truly evil thing. So the thought of their son actually being gay is devastating for them. Like its been said, time is the only thing that I believe is going to heal thier wounds. Right now my family is thinking that Ill just “get over my sickness” Like I just woke up one morning with a cold or flu, only I woke up with a bad case of queer-itis!!!LOL!! 😆

My hope is that in time they will see that 1) Im not going to change, and 2) that Im the same son that they always had, Im just not living a lie anymore and putting on a big charade for everyone. Sometimes I think they would rather I do that because right now they are not trying AT ALL to come to terms with me. My family is the best at buring their heads in the sand and hoping that a problem will just pass over.

your are right Paul…..we all have our stuff. None of us free of things that can be triggered by others. Often we don’t realise that the reaction is not actually about the other person its about us.

i’m speaking to myself here as well.

maybe thats because I no longer believe He is a pentecostal.

😆 😆