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Different levels of outness....is there such a thing?

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Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 2, 2011, 12:45

I think the question we all have to ask ourselves is what is the root of our reluctance to disclose. This is an intense level of self awareness that not all people are at or can face.


What stops us from truth telling to everyone?


is it.



  • Shame still attached to our sexual orientation

  • Fear of being rejected for who we are

  • Safety issues

  • Losing our security.


Only we can determine the source. Once the source is known then we can decide how we will manage this or change it.

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 2, 2011, 12:48

this abstract gives us a bit more insight into the consequences of holding a secret. Even thought this is about secrecy about a relationship it has similarities to those holding the secret about their sexuality. Secrets have impacts on us whether we are aware of it or not. Research has shown the damaging psychological, emotional and physical health impacts of those who are closeted and the improvement that happens when people come out.


Abstract


Previous research on romantic secrecy found that hiding one’s relationship from others predicted lower levels of relationship quality. The present research built on this work by exploring the potential consequences of relationship concealment on partners’ commitment level and personal health. Study 1 found that greater secrecy was associated with reduced commitment to one’s relationship, lower self-esteem, and more reported health symptoms. Study 2 tested a theoretical model of the effects of secrecy using structural equation modeling. This model was well supported and suggests that romantic secrecy (a) undermines relational commitment by means of constraining cognitive interdependence (i.e., by limiting psychological closeness to one’s partner) and (b) poses a threat to partners’ personal health as a result of generating negative affect (e.g., nervousness and fear). These findings indicate that romantic secrecy may have harmful consequences for both the relationship itself and the health of the partners involved.

forestgrey
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2008
June 2, 2011, 18:23

Anthony (& others) – a combined response to your above posts #20 & #21.


It is certainly valid to try and think through the issue (i.e., “what is the root of our reluctance to disclose”, or ‘come out’).


In thinking about my journey of coming out, (and I guess that’s a not-quite-completed process for me), I can see that each of your four dot points was relevant at some time and to some extent. But not now!


There’s one strategic area where I have not ‘come out’ (although will be honest if challenged). But that’s because I’m on a particular ‘mission’ in that area.


But, as I result of your provocation (to think about it), I conclude that any remaining reluctance on my part in a few remaining areas of my life (and, again, am honest if asked) arises from the fact that I tend to be a fairly self-effacing sort of guy and just don’t care for the “big fuss” or over-reaction from some. Or to be a centre-of-gossip over one part of my life which is just that – just a part of who I am. Thankfully, we are all different, and have to work things through in a way which suits our own circumstances, our own personality and temperament, our own sets of relationships.


Am glad you qualified the quoted abstract (“gives us a bit more insight” … “even ‘though … about a relationship”, ” .. may have …. “). We can draw some relevant ideas from such studies. But, I suspect that psychology is NOT altogether the exact science which we like to think it is. We need to be aware that human nature is so diverse, and there are so many influences – physically, psychologically, environmentally – that there is no one-size-fits-all model.


Your advice to think about possible sources of our reluctance to ‘come out’ is certainly excellent, and helps us manage the change.

Michelle
President
Joined in 2008
June 8, 2011, 23:36

My “outness” if there is such a word! Is actually determined by others I care about. By that I mean there are certain people that find it awkward with their circles to say Im Gay. My youngest daughter asks me to play it cool and no PDA around her friends because they dont know Im Gay and she doesnt want them too (13 is wierd age) and thats ok with me. My Mum is also choice in her words regarding Linda (my special friend!) and thats just because she doesnt want to deal with it. Sometimes its just easier to not be openly out simply because of the environment your in (like work)and also repecting those you love enough not to make it politically correct to win an arguement!



Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 24, 2011, 01:46

Mr Summit……can you make this work please.


I got it from here http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/halfway-stay-closeted-workplace/story?id=13867006

Mr Summit
Chapter Leader
Joined in 2010
June 25, 2011, 01:37

Sorry. It looks like they have taken down the page.

davidt
 
Joined in 2009
June 25, 2011, 10:30

After being in the closet almost all my life, I am now out (or soon will be out) to all my immediate family and close friends. Everyone else is on an “as needs” basis. Being gay is only part of who I am. It is called wisdom.


Coming out was the hardest thing I have ever done, but it was also the best thing. My two worlds have finally come together.

Ann Maree
 
Joined in 2008
June 26, 2011, 12:06

Hi davidt


That’s great to hear! I’m really pleased for you. 🙂 🙂 🙂


Blessings,


Ann Maree

Anthony Venn-Brown
 
Joined in 2005
June 26, 2011, 16:02

great news David T and good to meet you face to face when I was in Brissie

Mother Hen
 
Joined in 2011
June 27, 2011, 16:13

This is so wonderful David, so nice you no longer have to hide a part of yourself and you can truly be yourself with your friends and family. Well done 🙂


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